Ever since I've gotten back from Thanksgiving break things just haven't been right with me. I've been feeling pretty, well for lack of a better word, depressed. Every time I think of home I get very sad, and although I though I fixed this by going home last weekend, I'm finding that it really didn't, since I kinda want to be back there today, right now... Sigh.
However, with finals coming, I know that staying put will be the best thing for me, so I can focus (at least as much as I can) and get stuff done. And with the lack of my car and all, since it broke once I arrived last weened, staying up is even easier.
Added to the missing of home is my upcoming birthday on Sunday. I'm going to be 19, which is kinda old and all, but above all, it will be my first birthday away from home. Without my parents, my birthday dosn't feel like my birthday really. I know my friends are putting in the most effort that they can with it, going out of the way to have a super big surprise thing for me tomorrow, it really isn't the same. All I want is to be with my parents having dinner like I usually do. I can't believe that I'm missing them as much as I am; I thought that I'd be super happy to have them gone and be free to do what I want, when I want... but I'm really ready to go home. I'm hoping that the Cristmas break will put me back in my usual cheery self, dieing to come back to the freedom of my school.

Next post will be sure to be happy!

So, Kelly was supposed to come up today. That was the plan as of yesterday.
This morning I woke up at 5 am really sick, my stomach hurt so badly. Thankfully I was able to go back to sleep and all that good junk. When I turned my phone on, I had a text from Kelly saying she too felt bad, and we'd have to see how she felt. When I told her I didn't feel great either, we agreed to reschedule the entire weekend thing.
So never mind about everything for this weekend. I'm going home to get some nice quiet peace and will hopefully feel better tomorrow. Just thought everyone should know...

I realized shortly after getting here that although I miss home and everyone there, I can't really go back and expect everything to be the way I remember it. Last year was so good, but I no longer go to high school every day and see the friends that I saw every day, and if I want to keep in touch with them, I need to really work at it.

I have learned who my true friends are, because it is easy for me to send a message every now and then. It's not as easy to have my friends respond to what I say necessairly. That sucks. Some of the people who I thought I was the closest to, I have learned really aren't as close as I though.

Thus, I have learned that when I go home, I shouldn't expect everyone to stop their lives for me, I have learned to enjoy the time that I have there, and have learned to make my home up here at school for myself with new friends, new groups to do various things with, and new comforting surroundings that help me relax and realize this is my home now.

This weekend, my old life will meet my new life. My friend Kelly is coming to visit me. Although my friend Rachel came earlier this year, it wasn't really the same, since Rachel didn't go to my old school, I didn't see her on a daily basis. I did with Kelly, and she is a friend who has kept in touch with me, just not as much as I hoped she would. No matter, she's busy, I'm busy. Overall, I'm just intrigued to see how it will all turn out, if it will be awkward, or if I'm just over reacting about all of this. We'll just have to wait and see.

So I have successfully already wasted an hour and a half on my computer this morning, why not continue wasting my Saturday morning?
And I realized that since I do have this account, I should post SOMETHING so people can read about me... not that I really have any friends on this sight, but that's ok.
So here I am, at CSU, my college of choice, the only one I applied to, and I am... content. I mean seriously, I love it here. EVeryone is amazing, my classes are, well ok, and I am actually surviving and doing well here.
But above all, I'm just so happy with my life here. I've made some great new friends here, and continue to meet people every day. I thrive off of knowing people, so this is definately a plus to my life and making it a much easier transition to my life.
Ok, so that is it for today. Goals for the day: read for classes, see if I can finish that stupid comp. homework, and take a walk to the Oval. It should be beautiful not that the leaves are changing. And later today, figure out the Jenna thing, and go to dinner with her. Oh, need to get her a b-day card too... Add that to the list.
Ok, that's all for now!